


A Habit Hard to Break

by roguewriter



Category: The 100
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 03:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguewriter/pseuds/roguewriter
Summary: I originally posted this on my Tumblr months ago. This is a fic of Clarkes calls to Bellamy during the 6 years apart.





	A Habit Hard to Break

Clarke stared up at the sky, well what was the sky now. It wasn’t blue that’s for sure, the radiation left much to be desired in what was left. Her skin was a wash in tones of yellow and orange, it had gotten to the point where time was hard to tell, night was easy but the in-between was hard. She hadn’t even ventured to leave the island yet, who knows what the water would bring or how it would even effect a boat moving across it. So she stayed where she could find something, bits of the house remained, but more of the lab was usable. The bunker was intact so she had what she could find there. At this point she was barely surviving, she couldn’t take time to worry about the sky or time or what lied beyond the sea. She had five years of time on her own, she could figure that all out later.

For the past few months though this was her mission, to have human contact and this was it. She finally found a way to put together a satellite with what was left usable on Becca’s island. It took her two months, the first to be healthy again, the second to start putting together something. It would have been a hell of a lot easier if she were Raven, she had no idea if it’d even work. She was sure as hell going to try though, and not stop. She needed this.

She stood outside in the destroyed landscape, the burned ashes of what used to be surrounding her and the radiation still pushing her. She knew she wouldn’t die though, she could try this even for a moment just to see if she got a response. She needed a response.

Staring at the walkie for a moment longer then she pressed the button, satellite pointed towards the sky and frequency up all the way. “Bellamy” her voice was rough, slightly unused surprising her a bit.

She waited

“Bellamy can you hear me? It’s Clarke I’m alive” She shook her head “are you alive?” a twinge of humour laced in her voice. It was funny she could be calling out for a dead man for all she knew but her heart sored at the chance that he might have heard her.

“its umm been 60 days since Praimfaya. 60 days since you left…. Shit … I mean you didn’t leave me that’s not what I meant.” She sighs why was this so hard “Since you did what you had to do, I hope your okay. I hope your all okay”

Pausing as a smile appeared, biting her lip before continuing “I hope your head is working as hard as your heart does. Has Raven and Murphy fought yet?” she laughs “Have you and Murphy fought yet?”

She feels tears burn the back of her eyes and a cough force its way up. Too much radiation she had to get inside again.

“Well if you heard me, stay safe. Keep them safe. May we meet again”

\---

She doesn’t know why she keeps going after that first week of trying. There is no response, then another week with no response, then another. She just can’t bring herself not to do it, not to at least try send it out there because if she doesn’t its like she is admitting their dead. Their not dead though, she can’t think that way and deep down she really believes they are up there. Its almost a habit now though, a habit to hard to break, a life line to who she was, who they were and how they made her better. She knew she was grasping at straws but she would keep doing it until she knew.

Today she was sending the message early, she had a plan today. If they heard her they knew the plan. She has been testing the water for weeks, and her ‘boat’ if you could give it that name was in the works for longer. The radiation had gotten to the point where she could take it on but she still brought a suit just in case. She was ready and standing on the shore she stood with confidence satellite aimed at the sky. Eventually she would get a regular location but after she was off the island.

“Hey Bellamy, its me again. If you alive, if you have heard these you know today is the day. Time to get across the ocean which very well might be a horrible idea right now but I’m doing it. Monty and Raven would be very happy with the set up I made, its pretty good …. their just going to have to take my word for it.”

Pausing a moment, she starts again and she breathe out “I hope this works, I need to be closer to polis when the five years are up, and well I can’t stay on this island much longer its running out of resources. I need to move.”

“I have to drive the rover by myself” she laughs “I’ll try and keep it intact for you, I mean I can’t run into any trees so I should be okay. By the time you get back I’ll be the better driver.”

Looking once more into the vast, albeit less than blue water ahead of her then once to the sky. God she wished they knew, she wished he knew that she was alive. She knows him, knows that he’s beating himself up for leaving someone behind. Clicking the button again she pauses before she continues.

“if I don’t send another one, the sea has probably done me in. So if you are listening you all better make it down here. You have to get them out of the bunker because if you don’t well…. We won’t think about that. Stay safe, Keep them safe, may we meet again”

\---

Bellamy sat in what they made their common room. Its been months since they got up here and its still hard to believe. The algae had begun to provide food for them, the water system was working. They got into their routine. In the mornings check systems, then harvest, then eat, then look around for anything they may have missed. Bellamy was lucky and found some copies of books, one of them being Iliad but couldn’t bring himself to pick that one up, a wound in his heart just wouldn’t let him. He noticed a lot of wounds, he couldn’t bring himself to look in Octavia’s old cell, or Clarkes for that matter although he passed the drawings and always stole a glimpse.

Today he was reading one of his beloved Greek tragedies lounging on a chair again trying to take his mind off of everything. Monty and Harper were in the corner talking, it was sweet and it was good to seem them happy even though sometimes that happiness didn’t reach their eyes. They both avoided things too, like Jaspers cell. Murphy and Emori were … well doing what they do, having fun mostly, he was happy for them too. Happy for the man that was once by his side and was again. Echo, she was adjusting and was currently learning what she could from raven who was tinkering with the communication’s system.

“I know its pointless but I want to see if I can make it strong enough to reach the bunker. Abby deserves to know what happened to her daughter”

“Its not pointless Raven” Bellamy spoke up “it’s the right thing to do”

Raven nodded at him, they had really worked together though this. She was helpful though this whole thing, and in the end he was happy they could save her. He just wished they didn’t have to lose anyone. He rouse from his chair and approached the window, the earth was no longer engulfed in orange, it was still hazy and you could see storms all over the place but it was brown. It was surviving. The ground that nearly killed them too many times to count, the same one he couldn’t wait to get back to.

Static filled the air, crackling as Bellamy assumed Raven had run into some kind of interference. But then a voice moved to his ears. A voice he only dreamed of hearing because imagining it any other time was too painful.

“Be- Bellamy if you can hear me, if your alive.” Static engulfed the room again and a stillness filled everybody that was inside.

“that’s not possible” Harper whispered but everyone just stared blankly thinking the same thing.

“- got across the sea, found a small patch of green. Its growing, not well” a short burst of static hits again “where’s Monty when you need him right, right hopefully safe up there with you”

“This can’t be real” Bellamy runs towards Raven scrambling for the walkie, pressing the button down as soon as it was in his hand. “Clarke! Clarke can you hear me?”

“Its been awhile now but I still call everyday, I hope this permeant spot I picked is a good one”

“Clarke! Listen to me, Clarke Please” Bellamy practically screams into the com, it will only be real if she responds. If not this couldn’t possibly be more than just a dream.

“Raven why can’t she hear me?”

“I don’t know I’m trying to connect you” Raven frantically twisted dials and moved wires, Bellamy stared at the com waiting for more of the of the voice he thought would just be a ghost to come though.

“I have to see what’s useful” static “Stay safe” static “may we meet …”

“Clarke No! COME BACK! CLARKE” the com drops out of his hand and he rubs his race in frustration, she’s alive. He left her alone on earth, but she’s alive. Emotions flooded his system and all the others could do was watch. They didn’t know what to say either, their friend was alive and alone. 

\---

He would like today’s message, she smiles at herself and she looks back at the sleeping girl in the rover. She looked so peaceful, so innocent and Clarke already felt this immense bond with her maybe it had to do with being the only two alive on the surface. Its strange that having someone to look after again made her so happy. She didn’t have thousands too look after, just this one person and she was going to do the best damn job she could. Hopping out of the Rover she brought the satellite and walkie to the point again.

“Hey Bell, if your alive, if you can hear this, I think you’ll like this one. I found someone yesterday, someone alive. A little girl, she has nightblood too. She was in her village … or what was left when I found her.” She adjusted the walkie in her hand what she made was clunky and awkward to hold still.

“She hid in the reaper tunnels when the wave hit, she actually got me some new clothes. Speaking of new I had to cut my hair too. Anyway… she’s one hell of a kid Bellamy, reminds me a bit of all of us when we first landed. Can you believe how long ago that was… she’s curious like Octavia was with the butterflies, and she’s a bit like Jasper she would have been the first to swing on the vine I bet. I can tell she has such a kind heart, like you.”

Clarke paused again “the green is growing more everyday, I think our five-year prediction was perfect. I can’t wait for you to meet her when you get down here. Stay safe, keep them safe, I’ll be waiting”

She clicked the walkie but found herself wanting to say more, but was it worth saying more to someone who could be a dead man “I miss you” she said without trying to make connection again. Maybe she’d say it to him next time.

\---

It became habit for Bellamy to stay by the com system as much as possible. For over a year since receiving the first call he had stayed. Waiting for glimpse of a voice. The stories she told kept reminding him that it wouldn’t be that long now. The years were dragging out now, on the ark with not much to really do, so the reminders that he will be back soon gave him hope. Sadly though Raven still hadn’t been able to make the connection work both ways, and everyone decided getting news from the ground was more important than working the system until it broke.

Every time he heard her voice he couldn’t believe it, and yet everyday the connection cut out less and less as more radiation cleared away. He remembers back when she first told him about Maddie, she was right he liked that story, he was happier that she wasn’t alone though. Crackling alerted him to a Clarke’s contact and he listened carefully.

“Hey Bellamy, if your alive, if you can hear this. Its been 1000 days since Priamfaya. Feels like a milestone, and it is a bit. We are over half way to five years. You are almost home.” Bellamy smiled at this, she was right 2 years and 7 months have passed. He rubbed his chin feeling the stubble that he allowed to grow. He figures he would look older now, by the time the years are up he will be 28. Its weird counting the years now though, it doesn’t seem to make much sense anymore.

“Maddie asked more stories about all of you again, wants to know all about all of you. I think she already knows everything but she won’t stop asking. Actually hold on a second.”

Bellamy paused, she never stopped half way though. She always seemed to has these planned out in her head.

“Hello?” a younger voice makes its way though the com and Bellamy smiles.

“So this is Maddie” he chuckles under his breathe,

“Happy 1000 days Bellamy, Tell everyone I say Hi. Clarke has told me so many things. About Octavia and Miller and Abby and everyone in the bunker too.”

Bellamy smiles even wider “all good things I hope Clarke”

He hears Clarkes laugh drift from the background, god its nice to hear her happy. “Well,” Clarkes voice returns “We have to start lessons for today. Bye Bellamy. Stay safe, Keep them safe, may we meet again”

He sat there for a moment after she signed off. These messages continued to remind him of everything, where he started to where he is now. He changed a lot, is still changing. He has new perspective, new hope, and its leading to something better within himself. He still misses her though and the calls help, they remind him of who he used to be. They remind him of how grateful he is for Clarke Griffin. He stood up, content in leaving after getting the daily call, and went to join the rest of his friends in one of the cells. Monty was attempting to make liquor again maybe this time it would work.

\---

She was happy, it was a weird concept to come up with but she was. Sure she had her days that were harder than others, and thinking about them not coming back hurt her more than anything she had gone though. They were her family, it would hurt her heart every time she thought of them but for god’s sake she could breathe. She had Maddie, the weight of the world no longer resting on her shoulders, she had grown.

She started drawing again, had attempted portraits of all of them. She missed them but she had this hope, this voice telling her they were fine and they would meet again. They didn’t go though all of that together just to be torn apart by the end of the world.

She set down her journal and took the familiar steps “Bellamy, if your hearing this, if your alive” she breathes “its so peaceful here, its like I’m finally seeing how beautiful this place was. Do you still feel the weight of the world on your shoulders? I hope not, you deserve a break from that, we all do. You need to focus on that trip back here.”

She sighs happily “It’s a bitter sweet peace though” smiling she remembers that conversation they had so long ago “an oxymoron actually, so is talking to no one in a way. I really hope I’m not talking to no one. I believe your out there though. Maybe you can’t here me, but your out there Bellamy, maybe wishing on the same shooting star I was last night. Remember when I didn’t know what to wish for.”

Pausing to think “I know what I would wish for now.” Clarke hears Maddie stir behind her “Sounds like someone is up, stay safe Bellamy, keep them safe, may we meet again”

\---

This was hard. The hardest day Clarke had had in a long time. Before they left Polis back to their ‘home’ she just stared at the mounds of rubble sitting on top of the bunker. How would they do this. How on earth were they going to reach them, she had less then a year at this point. She couldn’t even get in touch with the bunker, she figures something must have gone wrong with their systems she was going to keep trying though. She has to tell him she doesn’t know how his sister is doing. She doesn’t want to give that news but its only fair, and in reality, he might not even be hearing it.

“Bellamy, if your hearing this, if your alive. I visited Polis today. God Bellamy,” her voice cracked before she continued.

“its just covered in rubble, you can’t even see were the opening to the Bunker would be. I … I don’t know how any of them are. What am I going to do, Maddie can’t move rocks that size and we can’t risk destroying the Rover its practically our life line.”

She just shakes her head. “I really wish you were here, all of you. It would be so much better. Just to be able to talk this out with someone” She pauses for what feels like forever, a pit in her stomach appeared. What if this was all pointless, Her and Maddie would never be able to remove all that ruble on their own. What if she had failed in sending power to the Ark and her friends were just lifeless bodies in space after all these years. What if she never got to see her mother again. Tears sprang to her eyes, bad days they always come no matter how good you feel the day before.

Her pause lasted an eternity to Bellamy, he just sat waiting for her to continue wishing beyond all else he was there to help her. There to help her see her mom again. “Be-Bellamy, what if…. What I- what if you aren’t there. What if I failed all of you in space and then fail everyone here on earth. How could I possibly live with myself knowing I was the reason I’ll never see the most important people in my life again.” A sob breaks though the com and Bellamy can feel it rack his body.

“I have to go”

“Clarke” Bellamy whispers, he hears her compose herself sniffling away another sob.

“I have someone to take care of, I need to focus on her for now. I can’t – can’t think about what might be, not right now. Stay safe, keep them safe, may we meet again”

Bellamy stays silent, he hates that he can’t do anything. That this stupid Ark that had been a prison for them their whole lives has become one again. He’s so focused on his mind reeling that Murphy coming into the room goes unnoticed.

“What has it been now? 1613 days and she’s still calling. That’s commitment”

“Not now Murphy”

“Bellamy, I’m just saying. She’s been calling you….”

“Us she has been calling us.” Bellamy quickly cuts in, he doesn’t want this conversation going where Murphy always tries to lead it.

“No she’s been calling you, and talking about the rest of us to you. She has hope, a clinically insane amount if you ask me. She needs you” Bellamy looks at Murphy, eyes daring him to go down this path, “fine if your going to keep being this way, she needs us. The only way we will get down there if your out there working on that ship. You’ve been the leader for us this whole time, it’s the only reason we are still here.”

Murphy starts backing out the door “Its just a bad day Bellamy, I get it. The only way you will fix it is to get back out there. Come on.”

Bellamy watched as Murphy left, he hated when he was right. Striding towards the door he reminded himself of his commitment. These 6 are my family, we are going to get back, for Clarke, but also for ourselves.

\---

Their late, so damn late. 5 months and 12 days late, and Clarke is beginning to worry. She didn’t let herself worry those first few months they were bound to run into some trouble, right? But this, she was almost ready to scream. She didn’t want to try and call today, but then a larger part of her pulled the walkie and satellite to the now dented spot in the ground.

“Hi Bellamy if your hearing this, well I need to tell you that your late. Really late, remember when every hour meant every hour… well 5 years meant 5 years”

That sounded harsh “I don’t mean to rush you, I know how many plans it might take to actually work its just, 5 months is a long time. After five years well these months are the longest I’ve waited. I’m trying to remind myself that you will get here, I have hope that you will.”

“Anyway the trees have gotten bigger, its really nice to see. This green land keeps reminding me that miracles can happen.”

Clarke looks up at the sky, she wonders if at night she could pinpoint where the ark is. Give her an idea of where they are. “Just hurry up. Stay safe, keep them safe, may we meet again.”

\---

“Never mind. I see you.” Bellamy was taken back by the sheer happiness in her voice, he almost didn’t grasp what she said at first. I see you, what did that even mean. They weren’t one their way down yet…

“RAVEN” Bellamy ran towards the maintenance room where she had been working on the Rocket for years now. It was breaking her, it was often one of the group would find herself not ever getting a break. Working day and night insistent that she would get it. She had plan A – Z and at this moment he would take plan Z to get down to Earth. He didn’t want to push her but now, now they didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

“BELLAMY!” he spun around upon hearing his name, Echo, Emori, and Murphy were running towards him. He didn’t have time for this he needed to see how close Raven was. He knows Harper and Monty were helping today, some progress must have been made.

“We have a problem,” Echo looked at him earnestly

“Echo I’m sorry but can this wait, I really need to see Raven something is happening to Clarke”

“We know,” Murphy jumped in. “We saw ship”

Bellamy’s heart sunk, no that’s not possible. Who the hell would be in space, who the hell would be heading down to earth now? Why in the world were they not already down there? A million things were running though his head and his feet started moving without complete thought. Making it to the escape pod that would hold.

“Raven we need to leave now, no more double check no more anything. We are going.”

“Bellamy what’s wrong?”

“Raven Murphy saw a ship, we need to get down there right now. Clarke won’t be able to take on who knows how many people alone.”

He frantically prepared a space suit, collecting what few things he deemed necessary. The others just stared at him, not moving.

“Bellamy. Bellamy, Stop!” Monty yelled halting his movements. “Your no good to her dead Bellamy, we need at least 5 days. Give us 5 days. You know better than anyone that she is stronger than half the people down there. It won’t matter if we leave now if we don’t make it.”

Bellamy took this in, his heart was screaming at him to make them leave now. It was burning him up the amount of conflict. However, his head reminded him that Monty was right. He had to be smart about this. Breathing in he stood up straighter and addressed everyone in the room.

“Five day okay let’s do this.”

\---

They had been hiding, Clarke couldn’t risk Maddie’s life. They had to hide, the took shelter and tried their best to survey the new-comers from a distance. They weren’t kids, no they were a different manner of prisoner sent down to earth. She hadn’t tried to contact Bellamy since the last the day her hopes were shattered by a ship that wasn’t his.

It was night now, by the routine they witnessed the new group would be asleep by now. She began to collect her things.

“Maddie stay here alright, I’m going to go walk around, I won’t go far.”

Maddie nodded, Clarke made sure she kept a normal sleeping schedule so her eyes were closing before he even responded.

Stepping into the night air she thought for a moment about calling, but she knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. Creating unnecessary noise wasn’t worth it, but then again a part of herself told her just how necessary these calls were. Necessary to her sanity.

Walking farther from their hideout Clarke looked towards the sky, six years had worked wonders on the clarity, she could see stars, so many stars reaching all corners of her view. In fact a particular star caught her eye, one dashing towards the ground. She was sure her mind was playing trick on her right? Just wishful thinking … maybe the calls really were the only things keeping her sanity in place. Until a boom resonated in the air and the conformation she never thought she would get came down in a blaze of light. They made it.

She ran, she ran to get Maddie the sleep schedule damned, they ran to the rover. She would follow that star as far as it would take her. Forgetting that the prisoners could have been woken up, forgetting that the lights on the rover were so dimmed that crashing was a real possibility, forgetting everything but her friends in that moment she made it to the crash sight.

Stepping out of the rover she moved closer, her speed suddenly vanished. She forgot about this part what if they didn’t survive the landing. Inching closer and closer she noticed movement, and she froze. This was the moment she had been waiting for, so why was she suddenly so still? Why did it suddenly feel like nothing more than a dream.

That’s when the door of the rocket pushed open, and a figure made its way out of the ship. Removing their helmet, she gasped.

“Bellamy” escaped her lips and she ran again. Meeting his arms with force she is sure he isn’t ready from after just landing, but she didn’t really care in that moment. She needed to know he was real she needed to know they were there.

He wrapped her in his arms with equal enthusiasm, holding her tightly to his body. “I heard you, we heard you everyday” he whispered lightly and she smiled into his hold.

“Then you’ll know I’ve been waiting a long time for this.” He smiled, a half smile.

He was back, and it was the happiest Clarke had felt in 2203 days.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading! <3 
> 
> ps. again this was originally posted on my Tumblr @magic_and_timetravel


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